2012: The Year of LIGHT

Do you people know about Flying Yogini’s #365Yoga project?  It’s been a great year of following other yogis on twitter and through blogs as our practice expands and shifts as we dedicate every day to living our yoga.  I love that the theme for this year is #365newbie, because this year I am looking forward to having a new and fresh perspective on life.  I made the decision to make this year all about LIGHT.

As some of you may know, my father passed away unexpectedly last March.  It has been, undeniably, the most devastating thing I have had to deal with.  At the end of the year, I ended up taking a break from my usual routine to make space to be gentle with myself as I dealt with the stress and sadness of the holidays this year.  What I realized as I reflected all that has happened over the last year, is that I had been clinging to my grief as an entity of its own.  I wasn’t just mourning the loss of my dad (although I certainly was and am still), but I was grieving the loss of the shape of my family, and feeling like every day was taking me further away from the truly amazing and fun adventures I had growing up with my family.  In the midst of all this, I was afraid that if I let go of my sadness, my dad would slip out of my life and memory completely.  So as the year came to a close, I grieved for my own sadness and made the choice to let it go.  It has been exhausting soldiering through every day just trying to get by.  It’s not sustainable, and it hasn’t been doing me any good to wallow in the fact that things are never going to be the same again. There are many things I am unable to change about this new situation my family has found ourselves in, but I can change my attitude.

I know there will be times when I am sad, but I refuse to let it consume me anymore.  I’ll still make space to feel my feelings to the fullest, and nurture my sprit when needed.  But this clinging to my grief is no longer serving me well.  The reason why I dance and teach yoga is because I feel that is the best way I can express the joy in the Divine.  Aside from the fact that I have created a system where I am stuck in a cycle of sadness, if I’m not letting myself fully experience the goodness in the world, I’m getting in my own way, and not fulfilling my life’s purpose.  That is ending now.  I’m all about finding the LIGHT in the world, the goodness, the joy, anything and everything that is positive.  In fact, I have so much to look forward to this year!  I am traveling a ton to study with my sweet teacher, Erich Schiffmann, I’m heading to Portland in April to take the 8 Elements Initiation with Rachel Brice and see my uncles, and this summer, to Yosemite with my husband and his sister and her husband.  At home, I have a great life with my husband and sweet kitties, and performances and quality time with my dance sisters.  I’m surrounded by goodness.

I am reminded of a song by David Newman, “We are like stars.  The deeper the night, the brighter we shine.”  I can’t change the fact that the darkness is still hanging around, but I can look within for my own light, the light of God, and shine it. Happy New Year, May you feel the light shine on you, too.